The scene repeats itself routinely at picnics, block parties, and family reunions over the summer. People may scatter to any one of a number of optional activities – three-legged, potato sack, water balloon toss in variety — but like bees to honey, are drawn communally to that central table dressed with Dixie cups and thirst quenching drink.
Perhaps you remember the Kool Aid commercials – the beverage, held in its smiley face pitcher, more primary in its color than finger paint. Some of us have perhaps become more selective in our tastes – with mint-infused, tropical or green (as in tea, not primary color) varieties of summer beverage. The fact remains, however, that sometimes because of the climate (summer or our more internal one) we will gravitate towards any beverage regardless of its flavor because:
- It quenches.
- It refreshes.
- It rejuvenates.
- It makes us whole again.
Moreover, it’s far more positive for our “glass to be half full” than empty.
“Drinking the Kool Aid” has become an increasingly popular and agreeably cynical term to describe an understandably human behavior to join. Consider these “joining” opportunities:
- Championing a new company policy
- Adopting as our own a new trend in personal development
- Wearing a new style
- Signing up for a new club or social group
- [Even] Reading the New York Times #1 Bestseller
What motivates joining? It’s a natural response when we seek to:
- quench our loneliness
- refresh our identity
- rejuvenate customary patterns by doing something new
Moreover, when faced with saying “yeah” (e.g. “You bet I’m in!”) or “nay,” (e.g. “Well, I’m not sure.”) the “full glass” response is often the more popular and the easiest initially.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes our “membership” decisions are genuine and good for us. The “joining” problem occurs when either we “fail” to distinguish our tastes from others or we realize too late in the game that the popular choice does not necessarily agree with our individual system. In these instances and in alignment with others, we may very publicly “declare” our full commitment or interest. It’s when our thoughts, unconsciously at first, and then slowly but privately begin to ”whisper” something else, that problems arise.
Truth be told, any potato sack or three-legged competition with lemonade at the finish line will bind us together. Yet, we’re never really whole if part of us still stands on the sideline – not sure we want to play. Perhaps, the sideline presents an opportunity to consider the entire field and, only after doing so, make choices of games, beverages, and in whose company, if anyone’s, we want to drink.
If you’re interested in reflecting on your own “joining” situations and behaviors, consider the following questions:
- Under what conditions, do you “join?”
- What motivates you to do so?
- What do you do when/if you realize that “joining” isn’t or hasn’t in your best interest?