Wednesday Words | My Life's Work

February 8, 2012 - Field of Dreams

A few days ago, I was thinking about Valentine’s themes about which I could write. I had a brief moment of cynicism when, among my ideas, the phrase “playing the field” rose to the top. My cynicism was short-lived. I came up with a more positive way of spinning this particular heart-inspired idea.

FIELD OF DREAMS

Backtracking a little, “playing the field” most traditionally refers to the person who is:

dating numerous people but is in no serious relationship.

Responses to typical “playing the field” behavior can be negative especially if you are among the “numerous people,” who hang their hearts differently on these encounters.

I have lived among those “numerous people.” Yet, I actually do not think there is anything wrong with playing the field. Allow me to explain.

The experience is not unique. The general “beat” of our days slows — in love, in work, at “home.” Something is no longer working. Our chest pains are by no means life (or long-term love) threatening but are increasing in intensity.

Our tendency in these situations is to fix what ails us, to unclog with a single dose that which is clogged. I don’t disagree with this approach in general — making the “pain” go away, finding a new love, a new job, a new place — a new way, right away.

Too often, we don’t take the time to play the field.

Playing the field, in essence, means experimenting with a number of different treatments before settling on one. It is NOT a quick fix. In the short term, playing the field may exacerbate the symptoms we’re trying to cure – anxiety-driven sweat and shortness. As the “informed patient,” we need patience for the prolonged systemic stress and possible side effects.

Yet, playing the field works. When our days’ rhythm no longer keeps our blood flowing, it’s time to give our heart the information and attention it deserves, first identifying and then cultivating a landscape of new experiences that could jump start it. It’s the field that ultimately yields the dream.

Most traditionally, if your Mr. or Ms. “Right” isn’t so right after all, it’s not the optimal time to settle on the next person but rather broaden the field of people with whom you keep company. When you least expect it, a new person might awaken you.

If your work hits a snag, it’s not necessarily the right time to find another job but rather broaden the field of “work” that you do. When you least expect it, a new vocation might awaken you.

If your “home base” no longer stimulates or soothes, it’s not necessarily time to move but rather broaden the field of places that you occupy. When you least expect it, a new environment might awaken you.

Many years ago, Kevin Costner’s version of “field of dreams” hung its heart on the following:

If you build it, he will come.

This mantra still makes sense today. The more fields you play (opportunities you build), the greater the chance that it – as in the dream — will come.

If you’re ready to play the field, consider the following:

In what areas of your life is your heart currently experiencing a slower or sagging rhythm?
In response, how can you “play the field?”
What’s your dream outcome?
What might stand in your way and how do you overcome the arrhythmia?

January 25, 2012 - Red Carpet

‘Tis the season of valentines and award shows.

For years, I’ve been trying to come up with some connection between the two. Finally, I have.

It’s the red carpet and the heart-felt actions it inspires beyond February 14.

I realize that movie stars and musicians, outfitted in borrowed bling, are not the sources of everyone’s affection. In fact, we often lose sight of their prize-warranted performances when they are framed in fame and fashion and fans.

Red carpet “treatment” teaches us a lot however — especially during the season when our eyes focus narrowly on Hallmark and Godiva – about how to love and be loved.

Two specific actions come to mind:

First, the roll.

Rolling, simply defined, is demonstrating love to others.

“They” float from the limo – “she” in any one of a number of jewel-tones and jewels, “he” in basic “sapphire” (this year’s black). Then the roll begins – the carpet beckons, the cameras flash, the chorus of bystanders scream, and confetti-like conversations rain words of praise colorfully and ever so lightly.

As cynical as we may be about Hollywood’s interpretation of rolling, it should be part of everyone’s behavioral repertoire. What better time of year to learn everyday lessons about demonstrating affection for those in our personal and professional worlds for whom we have the fondest feelings, greatest respect, the deepest love.

Second, the bask.

Basking, simply defined, is accepting the love of others.

The red carpet eventually ends. They’re at the finish line. Then, the bask begins — “she” and “he” pause, then smile, then wave. Their arrival culminates in almost imperceptible turns of their chins and hips as they enjoy a final soaking of the cameras, the chorus, and the confetti.

Who’s to say whether our sparkling stars truly enjoy the limelight. It doesn’t matter. They are great actors and we are students in their master class. If we can acknowledge the fact that, in its most primitive and authentic form, basking permits us to accept, like sponges, the adoration of others, we will similarly glow.

As January comes to an end, beware that February is a misleading month. Cloaked in commercialism, many of us dismiss its premier events as materialistic and disingenuous – the “stuff” of laminated leading ladies and a holiday that sometimes leads one on. Red carpets capture more fundamental, true, and year-long “love” behaviors. This season, consider your own “rolling” and “basking” behaviors by reflecting on the following:

Assess your level of mastery at rolling (loving) and basking (being loved). How would you rate yourself?
What changes could you make to support increased “roll” and “bask?”
What would happen as a result?